FUNNY TAGALOG QUOTES/JOKES!!!

Wife: (Shouting...) Honey mag-impake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto!

Husband: Wow! Anong dadalhin ko?!

Wife: Wala akong pakialam, basta lumayas ka na!

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!!

.............................

Manok - Sekken
Mamaya - Sakana
Joke - Biru
Stereo - Akai
Cook - Giza-giza
Ayos - Furo oke
Fingernail - Koko
Laughed - Anata-wa
This - Itto
Small piece of cloth - Retasu
Cornfield - Mais-san
Hindi Masyado - Natsu
Cigarette - Yoshi
Ipagpaumanhin - Kamisori
Is this your property? - Arimoto?
Yes, this is my property.- Arikoto.
Is this yours? - Sayobato?
This is mine. - Sakinitu.
Can I have it? - Akinato?
You can have it. - Sayonato.
Can we have it? - Saminato?
You can have it. - Sanyonato
You've grown so thin! - Kitanabutomo!
We saw each other. - Kitakami.
We had a big get-together. - Kitakitakami.
That was my assumption. - Inakarako.
We will boycott the election. - Kaminoboto
Are you a victim of discrimination? - Minamatakaba?
I give up. - Sukonako.
Ouch! - Haraiku!
What a sad life it is. - Hainaku.
Is this your car? - Otomoto?
Is this my car? - Otokoto?
Is this your noodles? - Mikimoto?
I'll take this. - Kukuninkoto.
This is my desk. - Itodesko.
Speechless? - Wasabe?
An ampalaya (bittermelon) - Kurukurubot
What are your thoughts? - Kuru-kuromo?
I am thinking. - Munimuniko.
Are you playing the guitar? - Gigitaraka?
Is this your underwear? - Jakeemoto?
Are you annoyed already? - Iniskanabane?
You're crazy!!! - Sirauromo!!! Razz Laughing
on Wed May 12, 2010 9:29 pm
Xxkarlo_rosalxX

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig... [b]

hahaha panu mag lgay ng picture??

]Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Perdo, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!

Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Perdo, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!

Pangalang Pilipino ... Ipinalit sa American Name

1. Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
2. Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
3. Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
4. Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
5. Alfonso De Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
6. Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
7. Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
8. Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker
9. Esteban Pagtakhan - Stevie Wonder
10. Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods
11. Burgos Hari - Burger King
12. Ligaya Almundo - Joy To The World
13. Maria Natividad - Mary Christmas
14. Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy New Year

Ano ang hayop na hindi sigurado? - Baka

Ano ang hayop na pinuputol? - Cat

Ano ang hayop na laging ayos? - Ox

An Alcoholic Son's Letter To His Dad

Beer dad,
Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan. Tanduayan mo yan.
Your son,
Miguel. (ayos pare!!)

Asenso Na

IDOT: "Kumusta na? Long time no see ah!"
BONI: "Kararating ko lang galing sa Africa."
IDOT: "Africa?"
BONI: "Doon kami nadestino."
IDOT: "Hindi ba maraming cannibals doon?"
BONI: "Nakakatakot nga, pero mga edukado na ngayon sila."
IDOT: "Hindi na ba sila kumakain ng tao?"
BONI: "Nangangain pa rin ng tao, pero gumagamit na ng kutsara!"

mahirap pag
mabait ang karelasyon mo...


kc pg ng-away kau..










cgurado




kasalanan moh!!!

Girl: doc, pacheck-up po

Doc: sige hubad ka ng panty at bra tapos higa

Girl: hindi po ako, itong lola ko po

Doc: sige lola, hinga na lang po ng malalim

MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo!

MISTER: Ok!

MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? At kasama mo pa din ang pusa?

MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan, di ako nakauwi!

Guro: Ano ang pambansang ibon?

Boy: Chicken?

Guro: Hindi! Kulay brown ito!

Boy: Fried chicken!

Guro: Hindi! Mas maliit ito sa chicken.

Boy: Knorr chicken cubes!

Guro: Get out!

Noel: ang gusto ko Leon ang magiging pangalan ng anak ko kabaliktaran ng Noel.

Nino: Sa akin naman ay Onin baliktad din ng pangalan ko.

Toto: Mga gago pala kayo eh wag nyo nga ko masali-sali sa usapang nyan!

Pare1: pare me joke ako!
Pare2: sige ano yun?
Pare1: ilan ang liter ng coke?
Pare2: Eh di isa lang!
Pare1: mali! apat!
Pare2: huh? paano? bakit?
Pare1: liter C, liter O, liter K, liter E, di ba, edi apat, hehe, eto pa, anung mas malaki sa city??
Pare2: huh? sige ano?
Pare1: eh dit utsu! hehe, eto last, anung tagalog ng street?
Pare2: ano??
Pare1: eh di diritsu!! get it get it!

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ANAK: 'Tay, penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng cocomban."
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hanggang ngayon "cocomban" pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper

Jinky: Manny, kung magkakaanak ulet tau anu magandang name? Manny: Hmm. Eh di combine na lang name natin… “MANKY” …..Harhar.

C Manny Pacquiao tumakbo sa pagka-Congressman sa GenSan… Reporter: Manny, anong masasabi mo sa peace and order sa inyong lugar…GenSan? Manny: ah, yun ba? uhmm…eh… ang masasabi ku lang diyan ay… Reporter: ano..? Manny: ahh, kwan,…maraming Fish sa GenSan pero walang masyadong umo-Order.

’ you is ‘ ‘ you is! ‘ ‘ you is! ‘ -sigaw ni Aling Dionisia pgdating sa Amerika. Andito na ako sa ‘ you is! ‘

PINOY PUN NAMES
This is fun…keep reading it until you fall off from your seats!
1. A parlor in San Juan, Metro Manila: Cut & Face
2. A wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas: Starducks
3. A fast food eatery in Nueva Ecija: Violybee
4. A small internet cafe: Cafe Pindot
5. In Manila, there’s a laundry named: Summa Cum Laundry
6. A pet shop in Kamuning: Pakita Mo Pet Mo
7. A Bakery: Bread Pit
8. A bank in Alabang: Alabank
9. A noodle restaurant in Pampanga: Mekeni Rogers
10. A restaurant in Pasig: Johnnny’s Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of
Marikina
11. A boxing gym in Taguig: Blow Jab
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: Lito Lapida
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village: Pakopya ni Edgar
14. A beerhouse in Cavite: Chickpoint
15. A laundromat in Sikatuna: Star Wash: Attack of the Clothes
16. A kambingan restaurant: Sa Goat Kita
17. A beauty salon: Curl Up And Dye
18. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: Gee Congee
19. A water refilling station in Dapitan: Wa-Thirst
20. Along Sucat road, a store selling chicken feeds: Robocock
21. Shoe repair in Marikina: Dr. Shoe-Bago
22. A petshop: Petness First
23. Flower shop: Susan’s Roses
24. A Taxicab: Income Taxi
25. A 2nd-hand watch store: 2nd Time Around
26. A squid stall in a wet market: Pusit to the Limit
27. A shrimp store: Hipon Coming Back
28. A car repair shop: Bangga ka ‘day!
29. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: Fish Be With You
30. A beauty salon: Saudia Hairlines
31. A bakery: Anak Ng Tinapay
32. A Laundry: Wash Your Problem Here
33. Ice cream parlor: Dila Lang Ang Katapat
34. Chicharon store: Chicha Hut
35. A fishball cart along P. Campa St., near UST: Eat My Balls
36. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: Pinoy Big Barber
37. A Resto in Baclaran: The Last Supper
38. A goto resto: Goto Ko Pa!
39. Peanut vendor’s cart with a funny name: Mani ni Papa
40. A Hair Salon in Makati: Hair We Go Again

I’m sure you had a good laugh reading this article! These are actually for real. Cool right? Indeed only Filipinos have these kinds of pun names.

BLUE THE KICK!


BLUE THE KICK!


BLUE THE KICK!


= yan ang sinabi ni aling dionisia ng nag birthday ang asawa ni many na si jinky.
"BLUE THE KICK".


...ahw..mao..heheheehe

MAG SISINUNGALING KA NA NGA LNG DI PA TOTOO...