filipino joke quotes by maria anjanette

tatay; ank’ bumili ka ng suka
ank; opo tay
anak: tay nahulog po ang suka sa tulay
tatay: bahala na yon panis na yon
tatay: ank bumili ka ng toyo
anak: opo tay
anak: tay nahulog po ang toyo sa tulay
tatay: bahala na yon panis na yon
tatay; ank ako nalang ang bibili baka mahulog nanaman
ank: sige po tay
kapitbahay: pedro, ang tatay mo nahulog sa tulay
pedro: bahala na yon panis na yon

Ulam
totoy : nay may ulam ba?
nanay : tingnan mu sa ref
totoy : nay wala naman po taung ref eh!!!
nanay : TANGA edi ibig sabihin wala taung ulam…
totoy : nyEkKKKKKKK!!

ONE DAY

i asked GOD: bakit poh ganito kasakit mgmhal

sabi niya: eh kasi anak, minahal mo nang sobra
ang taong inilaan ko sa iba..

juan: anong ulam niyo?
maria: blanvhed green leafy vegie with crushed sweet tomato in sparkling salted sea food.
juan: WOW!!! ang sarap naman nun. Anu yun?
maria: ahmm.. talbos ng kamote at bagoong na may pinigang kamatis.
kayo anong ulam niyo?
juan: fish fillet de el'niño.
maria: (impressed!) Wow! sosyal huh.. anu naman yun.

juan: tuyo!!!

SA ISANG JEEP

vice : manong, para nga ho ???

driver : ay bababa po kyo????

vice : ay hindi ho , aakyat may 2ng floor b 2ng jeep nyo!!!

sad love quotes


"As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you"

"The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends"

"Cry as I may these tears won't wash you away"

"The hardest to do is waking up without you."


"Breaking up is just like having the worst nightmare after having the best dream"



"Sometimes you dont realize how much you care for someone until they stop caring for you"

"True love will never fade unless it was a lie"


"If you love me so much, why are you walking away?"


"I wish I saved all the tears I cried for you so I could drown you in them"


"Every time I see him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding, and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me"

"You hurt me more than I deserve, how can you be so cruel? I love you more than you deserve, why am I such a fool?

"People think it's holding on that makes you stronger, but sometimes it's letting go"

"Love is like heaven but can hurt like hell"

I never loved you more cause
I never loved you less,
I dont love you now coz
I will love you always,
I dont just love you coz
I love you more than
I love you can say ...

love poems

I'll be your listener
I'll do my best to understand
I'll hear everything you say
Let me brighten your day


Let me kiss your soft cheek
So you can feel unique
To warm your heart
I won't ever let you fall apart



Let me make you feel like every thing's a dream
Because I see you everynight in mine

I want to take care of you
I believe it's what I'm here to do



You my sweet love
I miss ever so much
The softness of your lips
and your warm loving touch


My spirit is such aglow
You always color my world
Like a beautiful rainbow


Each day I find happiness
Such joy and laughter
Knowing that soon we will be
Together,
And livingHappily ever after.

I love you more than you can imagine
When I see your face it brighten up my day
I love you more than words can ever tell
Even more than what im about to say

I love the way you smile
I love the way you make me laugh
And you give me hope....
When things get a little sad


I want to tell you the truth
But I cannot find the time
I want to open up my heart
And allow you to be mine


For you my love, I’d die
Just to prove that I am true
I’d pick out all of the stars
And give them out to you


I’d run across the sea
Or fly far into space
Or walk on the desert
Just to see your face
I’d jump into a fire
And I’d run a mile
All of this I would do
Just to see you smile
If it was life or death
Death is my choice
I’d walk to my grave
Only to hear your voice


When I see your face
I shine like the burning sun
My joy is immediate and outpouring
Thankful to God for this blessing I whisper
I love you


My body shivers and shakes
What can compare to this feeling of love
As my heart softens, melts, then grows and sings
I love you


Yes, I love you and an affair I covet
If only I could take my emotions out of the closet
To let you know you are my beloved on this planet
With a longing that is racing like a never ending circuit

paano kung makasakay mo sa jeep yung taong mahal mo kasama yung girlfriend niya? anong gagawin mo? ako.. hahawakan ko yung kamay niya at ibibigay ko dun sa girl na mahal nia at sasabihing.. ingatan mo siya.. love ko yan e? sabay "Para!".

ang pag ibig prang laro ccmulan ng 2 den sa2lihan ng iba mnsan tya kpa hhbulin & hhnapin m PerO pano pg nkahap n ng bagong klaro ??? hhbol K PrIn Ba?? KhiT PuSo mO n Ung NkaTaYa??!!
pangako ko sa sarili ko na hinding hindi kita pababayaan.. hinding hindi kita iiwan.. pero paano ba yan, ikaw ang nagsabing umalis na ako. anong gagawin ko?? tuparin ang pangako ko ... o sundin ang gusto mo?

db masarap mgkaron ng theme song para sa mahal mo? d nakakasawang pakinggan..
pero ng mghiwalay kau, ang dating kantang ngbbgay buhay sau, ay xang kantang
unti unting dumudurog sa puso mo..

It rili hurtZ SeIn Ur Eyes Fild w/ TeArs I WaNa Hug u tyt FrOm Ur BaK & Nvr LeT Go But Im ScaRed ScaRed Dt UL PusH Me BaK En Say... "NmN..D IkAw KaIlnaN Koh..!!


nagulat aq 1 araw.. nnjan xa sa tbi co.. halos araw2 xa kasama q.. sb q n.. m22pad dn
pangarap q.. pro ng mrrmdaman q ng mhal nya q... sb nya, "uy tnx ha? npgselos din natin mahal q"

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give.

A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you.

Most smiles are started by another smile.

A smile can brighten the darkest day

Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you've been up to

BF : May ibibigay akong gift sa iyo, pero hulaan mo muna!
GF: Sige, clue naman...
BF: Kailangan ito ng leeg mo.
GF: Kwintas?
BF: Hindi... PANGHILOD! SMILE!!!

DOC: umubo ka!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: ubo pa!
PEDRO: ho! Ho! Ho!
DOC: okay.
PEDRO: ano po ba sakit ko doc?
DOC: may ubo ka.

MEKANIKO: sir, hindi ko po naayos preno ng kotse niyo.
CUSTOMER: ha?! Pano yan?
MEKANIKO: nilakasan ko na lang po ang inyong busina! Happy trip na lang po!

Kung nag GAY LANGUAGE sana sila GMA at GARCI eh di walang SCAM!
GMA: hallow gracia!
GARCI: uy mother ever! Na chenilyn de kimberlyn ko na po yung mga chuva ek ek.
GMA: bonggacious! Eh yung mga chenes chenes, carry na ba?
GARCI: flatshoes! Winnie santos mama, wiz na wori eclavou na ever! Na chorva na!
GMA: ang tarushki! Maldita ka talaga vruha ka! Eh di windra na naman watashi?!
GARCI: anufi ate.
GMA: oshah ba.

Divorced father: anak pag-uwi mo bigay mo sa nanay mo itong cheke at sabihin mo 18 yrs old ka na, huling cheke na makukuha niya for child support tapos tignan mo kung ano ang expression ng face niya.
Anak: mom, sabi ni dad bigay ko daw sayo itong cheke, last support na niya ito sakin kasi 18 na ako. Pagkatapos tignan ko daw expression ng face mo.
Mom: sa susunod na pagbisita mo sa kanya paki sabi salamat sa suporta kahit di mo siya tatay! Pagkatapos tignan mo expression ng face niya!

Magsyota sa motel.
BF: alam mo love, ikaw ang first girl na dinala ko dito.
GF: sinungaling. Sabi nila lagi ka dito!
BF: oo, pero ikaw lang talaga ang girl!

Where did Rachelle Ann Go

Why is Norman Black and Redford White? Well the, is Chris Brown?

Where did Sandara Park?

Is Chow Yun Fat?

What did Henry Sy?

Did Jordin Sparks?

When will Orlando Bloom?

What is Victoria's Secret?

What does David Cook?


... hehe... corny...

ANAK: nay, ano po ba yung 10 commandments?
NANAY: yun yung sampung utos ng Diyos.
ANAK: mas makapangyarihan pa po pala kayo sa Diyos eh!
NANAY: bakit?
ANAK: ang dami niyong utos eh!

Girl: sino ang pipiliin mo, ako o ang DOTA na yan?

Boy: DOTA
Girl: bakit?
Boy: and DOTA kac pwdng pglarun. eh ikw
maxado ktang mahal para pglaruan.

"sken k nga nkahawak ng mhigpit,

s knya k nman nkatitig."

-mouse ngseselos sa monitor! ehehe...

Mathematician: Love = 1/0 – unidentified

Physicist: Love is the force of attraction between two hearts

Biologist: Love is produced by hypothalamus

Chemist: Love is the saturated solution of feelings

Philosopher: Love is consupiscience to rationality

Progammer: Love is a bug of everything

Meteorologist: Love is the rain, binds together earth and sky

Emo: Love is hatred

Writer: Love is the perfect word for similes and metaphors

Noli De Castro: Pag ibig ba kabayan? Murang pabahay.

Hahaha!!=))

Everyone deserves love without terms & conditions.

Everyone has the right to live their life the way they want.

Everyone has the right to be happy without feeling guilty.

No one deserves abuse.

No one is not good enough for healthy love.

No one has the right to hurt anyone.

Everyone can be happy.

Everyone feels completely alone & lost sometimes.

It is okay to be yourself.

It is okay to do what you want.

It’s okay to be happy with yourself, your life.

It’s okay to say no.

You need to be honest with everyone and yourself.

Live your life, be honest, love everyone-everything you can, don’t listen to anyone but yourself, do anything you want as long it’s not hurting someone else, don’t take shit, you deserve the best, you can have it if you want it bad enough.

Love:

is patient
is kind
does not envy
does not boast
is not proud
is not rude
is not self-seeking
is not easily angered
is forgiving
does not delight in evil
rejoices with truth
always protects
always trusts
always hopes
always preserves
never fails