SARI SARI KOWTS & JOWKS

Boss: Why we need to hire you?

John: Kasi po mas bago palang po ako kaya wala pa po akong sungay. .

Boss: English please

John: Ah…Uhmm well you see im brand new so im not yet HORNY. .

The Setting:
Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion.
The Finalists:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Great Britain
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Philippines

Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Great Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Great Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean actors.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Great Britain: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.
Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. India: Because it works day and night.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
Q: Chismis?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It’s ano.. Kuwan… It means GOSSIP in our language.
Q: Hmm.. Interesting comparison.. And why do you say that?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi… I mean… Because…it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)

--> LOI LABORING

Erap phoned a doctor, asking for assistance.

Erap: Doc, what will I do? Loi is laboring and she’s in pain.

Doctor: Is this her first baby?

Erap: No, this is Erap!

DO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS?

1. Use BE COOL and I'LL BUY in a sentence. ...The tourist went to Mayon volcano in I'LL BUY, BE COOL.

2. Use SCHOOLING in a sentence. ...(phone rings).....Hello? Who SCHOOLING?

3. Use AFFECT in a sentence. ...Maria is wearing AFFECT diamond ring.

4. Use ADIEU in a sentence. ...If you are ADIEU, the Arabs will kill you.

5. Use DECANTER in a sentence. ...You can order that medicine over DECANTER.

6. Use DELETION in a sentence. ...The balat of DELETION is crispy.

7. Use DESPISE in a sentence. ...Who baked all DESPISE?

8. Use DIFFERENT and DIFFERENTIAL in a sentence. ...I am looking for DIFFERENT of this boy to get DIFFERENTIAL consent so he can go to the picnic. AND NOW FOR THE FILIPINOS WHO CAN READ AND UNDERSTAND TAGALOG:

9. Use BORROW in a sentence. ...Ang dumi naman ng BORROW mo.

10. Use CAESAREAN in a sentence. ...Lintek, anak, mag-ingat ka, CAESAREAN mo iyang laruan mo.

11. Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence. ...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain, pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.

12. Use ARTESIA in a sentence (if you don't know what this is, it's a city [or street] at the L.A. COUNTY in CALIFORNIA) ...Nako naman, ang ganda-ganda nang bebot na yun, pero, ma-ARTESIA.

13. Use CADET in a sentence. ...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi. Ngayon, ikaw naman ang CADET niya.

14. Use CARDIAC in a sentence. ...Na CARDIAC yung kotse ni Pedro noong isang gabi.

15. Use CENTURION in a sentence. ...Na-CENTURION si Pedro ng tatay niya dahil sa kalokohan niya.

16. Use DEDICATE in a sentence. ...Pag ginamitan ng glue, siguradong DEDICATE iyan.

17. Use DELICACY in a sentence. ...Bagal mo... DELICACY mahuhuli na tayo.

18. Use DEPRECIATE in a sentence. ...Sister, DEPRECIATE already, kaya pwede na tayong kumain.

19. Use DIFFUSION in a sentence. ...Brownout...siguradong DIFFUSION pumutok.

20. Use LAITY in a sentence. ...Taga "laity" si Imelda Marcos.

21. Use MENTION in a sentence. ...Ang laki ng bahay nila, parang MENTION.

22. Use ebonic word MOTHA' FUCKA' in a sentece. ...Iho mag-ingat, ka baka MOTHA' FUCKA' AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

23. Use SECOND THOUGHT in a sentence. ...Hindi pa bumibili ng bagong kotse ang mag-asawang si Pedro at Maria dahil magse-SECOND THOUGHT pa daw sila.

Wala naman talagang taong perpekto sa mundo.... lahat tayo nagkakamali. Yun nga lang, depende kse sa tao kung paano nya haharapin at itatama ang kanyang mga pagkakamali. Upang maitama ang isang pagkakamali, kailangan munang ma-realize ng isang tao ang pagkakamali nya, tanggapin upang maging maluwag sa loob nya ang susunod na hakbang... --nasabikohlangnaman--