SARI SARI KOWTS & JOWKS

Boy: "I wanna be a superhero, guess my name."

Girl: "Superman? Ironman? Batman?"
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Boy: "(smiled) YOURMAN"

AIWA!

Dear INTERNET USERS,
One day, you will all regret not reading me!
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Sincerely,
TERMS & CONDITIONS

--> everybody wants to go to HEAVEN, but nobody wants to DIE!

--> aanhin pa ang damu kung ang garden mo ay sementado??

--> ang di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan malamang natulala sa aking kagandahan!!

--> ang di marunong magmahal sa sariling wika sa call center naglipana. .



hahaha!!

Girl: Bayad…

Driver: Ilan tong 50?

Girl: Isa lang kuya, Estudyante, Nursing sa Ateneo, Kasasakay lang

Boy: (Nayabangan. Nagbayad ng 500) Manong Bayad..

Driver: (Galit) Ilan tong 500?

Boy: 1 lang, Keep the change. Seaman, Kadarating lang.

Sira Ulo: (Tumawa, Inabot ang 1000) Manong Bayad…

Driver: (Galit na galit) Peste! Ilan tong 1000?

Sira Ulo: Tatlo, Isama ang Nurse at Seaman. Keep the change. Galing Mental
kalalabas lang!!

nice...hahahaha...its very entertaining.

Dalawang pipi nag-away

Pipi1:

Pipi2:

Pipi1:

Pipi2:

Pipi1:

Pipi2:

Grabe ang away nila noh? How sad, sayang ang friendship nila.

bf-sunduin kita maya,bu2sina nalang ako kpag nasa harap na ako ng bahay nyo.
gf-ok cge anong dala mong sasakyan?
bf- wala busina lang he he he

--> Street Vendor: 'Bili na kayo ng Relo!!! Gold Watch ito!!! Pag namuti, White Gold!!! Pag huminto, Stop Watch!!!


--> GF: Hu...hu...hu. ..Bakit natin ginawa ito? Hindi na ako Virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!!!
BF: Ano? Isang beses lang ah!!!???
GF: Bakit...Hindi na ba natin ulitin mamaya???

--> Couple Talking:
Wife: Hon...Paki fix naman ilaw natin sa labas.
Husband: Hellooo...Electrician ba ako???
Wife: Eh di paki gawa na lang hagdan natin.
Husband: Hellooo...Karpintero ba ako???

Umalis si Husband...Pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. Tinanong nya si Wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.


Wife: Kasi kanina...A man saw men crying...sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay, so he offered to help in exchange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
Husband: So...pinag bake mo siya ng cake???
Wife: Helloooo...Baker ba ako???

--> Husband: Lagi na lang tayo away...Mag hiwalay na lang tayo!!!
Wife: Sige...mag hati tayo ng mga anak!!!
Husband: Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!
Wife: Sus!!! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!!!

--> In Front of NURSERY WINDOW
Friend: Pare... pag laki ng anak mo...am sure magaling sya mag drive.
Ama: Bakit Pare...malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi... Kasi kamukha nya ang Driver nyo!! haha

--> Wife: I'm warning you!!! Parating na Husband ko in one Hour!
Handsome Visitor: Wala naman akong ginagawang masama ah?
Wife: Kaya nga!!! Kung may balak ka...Gawin mo na!!!

--> Wife: Himala!!! Aga mong umuwi ngayon!!!
Husband: Sunod ko lang utos ng Boss ko. Sabi nya 'GO TO HELL' kaya ito uwi agad ako!!!

--> Russian: We're first in the Space.

USA: We're first in the Moon.

Erap: We'll be the first in the Sun.

USA: You can't go there...you' ll be burn.

Erap: We're not stupid...We' ll go there at night!!

In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so.

One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, "guro, pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?')

Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, "what should I say (in Filipino, of course)". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, "FATHER, MOTHER, I", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom.

The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'.

The boy then explained, "FATHER in filipino meant TATA, MOTHER in filipino meant INA and I in filipino meant AKO".

*************** TATA - INA - AKO (ha, ha, ha...)

An excerpt from an English-Filipino Dictionary
-Aspect: pantusok / pandurog ng yelo
-City: bago mag-ocho
-Deduct: ang bibe
-Defeat: ang paa
-Deposit: ang gripo
-Detail: ang buntot
-Devastation: istasyon ng bus
-Effort: kung saan nagla-lang ang erflane
-Melt: ngamit mantali sa mewang mara indi maulog ang mantalon
-Persuading: unang kasal
-Depress: ang nagkasal sa persuading
-Predicate: pakawalan mo ang pusa
-Protestant: tindahan ng prutas
-Statue: ikaw ba 'yan?

hahahahaha!!

Ano ang maliit na goat?
kapirangot

? Eh ano ang maliit na cat?
katiting

? Ano naman ang maliit na duck?
pandak

? Bakit nahihiya ang biik?
kasi baboy ang nanay n'ya

? Bakit nahihiya ang duckling?
kasi kumekembot ang tatay n'ya pag naglalakad

? Anong sabi ni #1 kay #10?
"Ang taba naman ng girlfriend mo!"

? Eh anong sabi ni #1 kay #1,010?
"Wow, double date!"

Anong sabi naman ni #1 kay #8?
"Ang sikip naman ng belt mo!"

? Anong sabi ni letter O kay letter Q?
"Pare, magsuot ka naman ng brief!"

? How to use curtain and kitchen in a sentence:
"'Wag mo 'kong curtain Masakitchen!"

Police Chief: "Guards, may nakawalang hoodlum! Bantayan ang mga exits!"
Later...
Guard: "Sir, nakatakas ang hoodlum."
Police Chief: "Paano nangyari iyun?"
Guard: "Sir, sa entrance siya dumaan."

Sira-ulo #1: "Kaya mo bang tumawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?"

Sira-ulo #2: "Ayoko nga, ano ako, sira? e paano kung pinatay mo ang ilaw, e di mahulog pa ako. Wa-is ito, hehehe"

3 bears were driving on the road. They accidently drove off a cliff and
into the water.
Which bear did not get wet?
--the dribear.

Which bear saw the accident?
--the neighbear.

Which bear came out of the car safely?
--the surbibear.

Which bear fixed the car?
--MacGuyBear

bata: Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?

nanay: Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...

bata: Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?

nanay: Ay, tumigil ka na nga LUNETA at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo!

3 L0LAs sa M0DERN0NG PANAH0N ..
L0LA 1: baw kasakit man likod ko praktis street dancing a, cramping abi amun new steps..
L0LA 2: ako gani sakit mata ko hampang crossfire kag open ka fb ko..
L0LA 3: mayad pa kamu, ako gani hu, sakit hita ko sa padol sa frat namun.. hahaha..

HAHAHA

nice one!

*riing! riiing!* (nagring ang telopono)

Amo: Inday sagutin mo nga yung telepono!

Inday sinagot ang telepono..

Inday: Hello? Hello? Sir wala pong sumasagot! Hello?

Amo: Tanga!! Baliktad kase!

Inday: Ay! Low He Low He? Low He?

Amo: Ay bobo.. Yung telephone!!

Inday: Pown Tele Pown Tele?? Wala padin sir..

Amo: -_-

--> d0ctor taLking to a mentaL patient

doctor: “mgaling kna pLa kc cnagip m0 frend m0 na nLunod! Kaya Lang,ngbigti sya sa CR!”

Patient: “Di po dok, cnabit q sya dun pra matuyo!”

--> sa mcdonalds

lolo: gino paki abot nga yang kutsara

apo: gina po lo

lolo: gino paki abot nga yang rice

apo: gina po lo

lolo: punyeta ka gino tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!!!!

lola:apo alam mo naman na matanda na ako…

lola:kaya papamana ko na sayo ang aking mga hayop sakahan sasakyan at mga puno

apo:talaga po! pero saan po iyon??

lola:sa facebook apo ang email ko eh hotlola21@hotmail.com ang password ay. .